You know, I’ve been keeping something back for quite some time. I’ve been hearing this whole thing from “good guys” about the “friend zone” idea and I think it’s time I threw my two cents in on the subject.
Before I say anything else, let me preface this rant with the fact that I am BY FAR no relationship expert. If you’ve been close enough to me to know my history, especially over the last five years, you know that I kind of take things as the come and mostly just crash into the ground in a screaming, painful and fiery wreck. But while I may not know much of how to do right in relationships, I know people. The last nineteen years in retail make that a must. So I have to say, guys, that when you talk about the “friend zone” the only thing you do is make yourself look pathetic.
I will admit, I’ve used it as an excuse in the past for my own failings. But when I’ve back at the before mentioned five years I’ve realized that the faults didn’t lay in my being a “good” guy. The faults are a different story for a different time.
See, with most women (not all, no theory “works” on everyone) they want a guy who has manly, or at least man-like qualities. You’ve all said “women only like jerks who treat them bad” but the truth is that they aren’t attracted to the pain the “jerks” cause, they’re attracted to the decisiveness that those guys show.
Those guys may look like “jerks” to you but they are guys who speak their minds, make mistakes that are visible, burp, laugh too loud, show attraction to other women (like the male gene MAKES us all have, regardless of you saying crap like “I only have eyes for you”) and incite a range of emotion in the women who CHOOSE them. Whether or not you think they’re “right” or not they still openly exhibit masculine qualities. To women, that is attractive.
Then there the “good guy” is, holding the door, buying gifts, remembering birthdays, special events & etc and throwing an emotional fit when those things they’re doing don’t get noticed and rewarded. Because let’s face it, while you may have been taught right, the idea of the movie-magic moment when “she” looks at you and realizes you’ve been the right one all along is always in the back of your mind. That’s looking for a reward, and that taints every good deed you can do. If you want to hold the door, buy gifts; remember birthdays, special events & etc. do so with an honest heart and not for what is a selfish motivation. A “good guy” who is good for gain is worse than any of those “jerks” are.
When it comes down to it, guys, the world isn’t black and white anymore. The romantic notion of fate, being the knight on the white horse and the hero getting the girl are as dead as the metazoic era. I know it sucks, I know it’s not “fair” but it’s just the way that things are. Throwing a fit and denying it aren’t going to resurrect anything, it’s just going to make you look like a fossil with tear-stains.
Keep being a “good guy.” I’m not saying to change. I’m just saying to keep your expectations in the real world and do right to do right, not to earn a heart. Take it from me, a guy who has made every mistake he could possibly make, and a few he didn’t know existed, if she doesn’t want to give you her heart it’s only going to be a hollow victory in the end. If she casts you as a friend be happy about it. My best friend is a woman and trust me, if my whole world broke apart and rotted she would be the first person I would run to, without a thought. No woman I’ve been in a relationship can boast that. She knows me inside and out, all my failures, faults and messes and she loves me in spite of it.
So with that said, “friend zone” be damned.
Show some spine, don’t blame failures on your qualities, laugh in the face of that ridiculous cliché of “nice guys” finishing last. Be something that no one expects. Do what you do out of it being natural; speak you mind, make mistakes that are visible, burp, laugh too loud, show (moderate) attraction to other women all while holding the door, buying gifts, remembering birthdays, special events & etc. And if “she” CHOOSES to give you her heart, and everything else that goes with it, it’ll mean something real. Something outside of clichés, story-book ideas. Something that can exist in a gray world. No one can fix it but you.